First Sunday, October

6th Day.

Went to church for the morning service. Late pa ng 30 minutes. Late nagising. Natagalan sa pagkain. Di na naabutan ang paunang praise and worship. Dumating kami ni gerletz kaffe time na, just before the preaching. Touched with the preaching. Humility. Pastor spoke about Jesus’ washing His disciples’ feet.

After the church service, we went to Anne and Mad’s place for our monthly Bible study. There were 13 of us, including our host and their little baby, sweet baby Gab. 👼 It’s really nice to learn and grow more in God’s word with fellow believers. We also got ourselves new Bibles. I have been hoping to buy a new Bible for myself because the one I have, has only the New Testament. I wanted one with both Old and New testaments. But, I wasn’t able to buy yet because it is really expensive. So, it was really an answered prayer.

After our Bible study, we went to Tina’s place. But had to leave early to have dinner at Mayeth’s place. Then off to church we go for the youth service. It was our first time to attend it. It was actually cool. Enlightened and blessed with the preaching. Pastor Leif talked about how big God’s love is.

I am blessed with the life of all that I met today. Very, very thankful with God’s gift and grace. Glad to have an awesome God.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” ~Jeremiah 29:11, NLT

Our new Bible

Feeling Blue

I am so effin’ down these days. I really want to cry my heart out; I couldn’t. My lacrimal glands seem to be malfunctioning. I hate the fact that I can’t cry because I can feel the pain in my heart but I can’t let it go.

I look for comfort. I feel so desperate. And I used to think that I am strong. I really need a hug; a BIG effin’ hug. I want someone to give me a pat in the back and tell me that everything’s gonna be alright.

I feel so freaking lost; so alone. I don’t know what to do. But, I have no one to blame but myself. Why did I ever get into this? I just hope I would have the strength to survive this. I still have 15 months to go in this. I don’t know if I would survive that long or I would crash and burn. I’m feeling burned out these days. Not crumbling though… but, it seems like I’m getting there. And I don’t want to.

I am just so not used to this. Just like the line in Just Once… I gave my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough. I so effin’ wanna give up. But, there are other things to consider. I can’t just pack up and say I’m done and I’m quitting. I guess I’ll just have to deal with falls and bruises; to learn from mistakes and keep on moving forward.

People say that if God gave you a challenge, it’s because He believe that you can handle it. Guess I just need to have more faith in myself. Not an easy feat though with the task I’m given.

Guess it’s time to bend those creaking knees. I still feel oh so lonely. So unsure of what to do, but while writing this, I saw a glimpse of hope. Maybe there’s still a future for me. Writing this hasn’t solved my dilemma, but it has sparked something in me. Otaku spirit. Fighting! #WithFistHeldHigh