Palahaw ng Bagong Gising

*I posted this on Multiply last January 31, 2009; a year and a few days after the actual incident..*

*January 10, 2008 nung i-post ko ang entry na yan sa isang yahoo group.. Naisip ko kani-kanina lang na i-post rin dito.Ü*

Well..sa oras na ‘to, di na ako bagong gising.. Pero, ‘yung nangyari sa akin kanina bad trip talaga.. buti na lang di uso sa akin ang kasabihan na “lokohin mo na ang lasing wag lang ang bagong gising”.. Bad tripz ‘yung kasambahay ko sa dorm.. ang ganda-ganda ng tulog ko.. alam kong maganda rin ‘yung panaginip ko (di ko nga lang maalala kung ano).. nagising ako kasi may kumakatok.. papabayaan ko lang sana at itutuloy ang paglakbay ko sa dreamlandia.. kaso,di tumitigil sa pagkatok.. mukhang importante talaga ang sadya.. pinagbuksan ko ng pinto.. ‘yung kasambahay namin ang kumakatok.. alam nyo ba kung ano ang hinahanap?

Plato.. Plato.. Platoooo!!!!! putetris na plato.. nasira ang tulog ko ng dahil sa plato!!!! waaaaaaaaaaa… buti na lang talaga at di ako nag-aamok.. grrrrrrrrr…

 

Eto naman yung sagot nung isa kong ka-grupo:

haayyy…..

malalim talaga ang pinaghugutan ng sintimyento mo.

Pero kabobo intindihin mo na lamang. Marahil napakalalim ng kaniyang

dahilan kung bakit nagawa ka niyang bulabugin ng dahil lamang sa

PLATOOOO! PLATOOOO! oo PLATO!

Malay mo kaya ganun na lamang ang pagsusumikap niya na istorbohin

tulog mo ay dahil ayaw niyang maubusan ng kanin. **ayan na naman si

kanin! Pesteng kanin na yan!**

Mahirap nga namang kumain ng walang plato.!

Kaya cool lang kabobo. Arimunding munding.!

****apektado talaga utak pag ginugutom ang sarili****

 

At eto pa:

dapat nung inabot mo yung plato..

iningudngod mo sa mukha nya..wahaha..

para nakaganti ka..

oh dibah quits na..bwahaha..

biro lang..

hayaan mo na yun kabobo..

(tapik sa likod)

baka lang talaga kelangang kelangan nya ng plato wahaha..

patawarin mo na sya hehe..

smile..hehe..

~_~

Un Recuerdo Por Ti

*Galing din ito sa Multiply page ko. Posted last August 08, 2008. Same title pa rin. This was written for a special friend that time.*

 

Di ba sabi ko gagawa ako ng sarili kong composition na i-dededicate ko sa’yo. But, I’m not gonna write you a love song today (kinakanta ang line na ‘yan). So, I’m gonna write you this piece of blog. Di ko kasi masabi sa’yo nang harapan ang nararamdaman ko. Anlayo mo kasi. Kung bakit ba naman andyan ka, andito ako. Ahek! Di bale. Kaya, dito na lang muna. Sana mabasa mo. Kung ‘di naman, bantay ra jud ka nako. Hehe.

I’m just grateful na andyan ka. You were always there for me (sana ‘gang sa huli). If it weren’t for you, I won’t be able to recover this fast. If it weren’t for you nahihirapan at nasasaktan pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. If it weren’t for you baka ‘di ko pa rin matanggap na wala kaming future (paano nga naman magkaka-future, eh wala nga kaming past at present, hehe). When I needed someone, present ka.

But, I’m not gonna write you a love song today (kinakanta ulit ang line na yan). Kasi, I’m not sure kung love song ba ang dapat kong isulat para sa’yo. Pareho pa kasi tayong galing sa sakit sa puso (buyag!), este, na-brokenhearted (di ko maalala ang tamang term. naman!). Pareho pa tayo na karerecover lang sa angina pectoris.

But, I’m not gonna write you a love song today (wag mo nang itanong) kasi di ako sigurado kung mahal na nga ba kita. Ambilis naman kasi. Baka naman we’re just fond of each other. Ayaw lang nating malaman (di naman kasi pwedeng makita) na nasasaktan ang sinuman sa atin. Pero, di nga malabong magkadevelopan tayo (teka lang. negative ba tayo ng photograph at nadedevelop?). Uuuy..issue ‘to. Ang alam ko lang ngayon, mahal man kita more than a friend o hinde, you’ll always be a part of me (parang kanta ‘to ah. David Cook ikaw ba yan? O Mariah?). Sa ayaw at sa gusto ko..sa ayaw at sa gusto mo rin, bahagi ka na ng buhay ko. Nakatatak sa diary ko (may diary pala ako..?). Magulo man ako, dahil ikaw yan, alam ko maiintindihan mo ako. May USB (pahiram ng punch line ha) ka eh, este ESP pala (for sure, mako-confirm mo na ngayon na ikaw nga ang special friend ko. Wag umangal ha. Sagdii ko sa ako gibati. Di bitaw tika mapasakitan).

Di ka naman mahirap mahalin eh. Ta principia ya man gane yo kai contigo. Masaya ako pag andyan ka. Masaya ka kasing kausap (ka-chat gud para way away). Isa ka sa mga nakapagpapasaya sa akin. Basta..basta..makulay ang buhay sa sinabawang gulay. Alam ko rin na maswerte ako at nakilala kita, naging ka-chat, kaibigan at kung anu-ano pang “ka”. Sabi ko nga sa’yo, andami mo nang role sa buhay ko. Di ka pa kaya mapagod? Tsaka, di ka ba bawal mahalin? Sana, hinde. Di kasi malayo (malapit na eh) na mahulog ang loob ko sa’yo. Konti na lang and i’ll be saying you had me at hello, you had me in a heartbeat. Tsaka, baka nga nahulog na talaga ako ‘di ko lang napansin. Sinalo mo ba ako?

I’m at ease and comfortable with you. Mukha ngang compatible tayo eh. Nagkakasundo tayo sa mga bagay-bagay (alam mo na ano ang mga bagay-bagay na ‘yan). I know we’ll reach a point where we won’t agree about something..but carbo + carbo is NATURAL! (sa bleach ko kinuha ang pamatay na line na ‘yan). Aminado ako na marami pa akong di alam tungkol sa’yo. Ikaw rin naman eh, marami ka pang ‘di alam tungkol sa akin. Kaya quitz lang. Besides, may “getting-to-know-each-other” naman ah. Darating at darating ang panahon na lalabas rin ang tunay nating kulay (pareho tayong kayumanggi) kung ‘di pa tayo nagpapakatotoo ngayon.

Pero, dahil piscean ako (blame it to astrology) kaya nagtitiwala ako na nagpapakatotoo tayo (naivete and gullible mode. duh?!) Sale gayod el diaton mga bagon. But, friends naman tayo kaya tanggap ko anuman ang kapintasan at kahinaan mo (sana vice versa ‘to). Lahat ng tao naman eh nagkakamali at nagakakaroon ng pagkukulang di ba?

But, I’m not gonna write you a love song today (alam mo na) coz I wrote you this. Basta, muchisimas gracias! Te quiero mucho! Te amo! (basta) Besos y abrazos! I’m not gonna write you a love song today coz I might/I’m gonna show you my love song someday.

 

*Kung bakit ‘di “I’m not gonna write you a love song today” ang title, kanya-kanyang trip yan. XD*

One Friend

Memorize ko pa ang kantang One Friend. At sabi niya, nasa playlist niya yan hanggang ngayon. Labing-apat na taon na rin ang lumipas ng bigla na lang kaming ‘di nagkibuan. May hinala kami kung ano ang naging puno’t dulo nito, pero ‘di na rin kami sigurado kung tama ba ang naisip namin na dahilan. Basta, ang alam namin, kung anuman yun, Grade 5 yun nangyari.

Di ko na maalala kung kailan nagsimula friendship namin. Pero, nung Grade 5, we were the best of friends, at ang theme song nga namin ay ang One Friend. Sabay kaming nangarap maging abogado. Wala sa aming dalawa ang abogado ngayon. Pero, pareho din kaming ‘di sinasara ang possibility na baka nga i-pursue namin ang law. At dahil nga bestfriends, siya ang lagi kong kasa-kasama noon. Pinag-usapan na ata namin ang lahat ng pwede naming mapag-usapan. We had fun. Kagabi ko lang nalaman, sa akin niya pala natutuhan na ang slumber ay synonymous sa sleep. Hihi. Di ko na maalala ‘yan. I remember our walks though. I remember that we were really happy then.

So, if there was a friendship that I really regretted losing, yun yung friendship namin. It happened suddenly, Grade 5, best of friends; dumaan lang ang summer nag-iba na ang ihip ng hangin. Nung nasa Grade 6 na kami, kibuan-dili na ang show. I think nung early months nung Grade 6, bestfriends pa rin kami until we started to drift apart and talk less until we just totally stopped talking with each other. I started to hang out with other friends. Ganun din siya. We didn’t see each other eye to eye then. We weren’t able to patch things before our elementary days ended.

And then another summer passed by. Simula na ng panibagong chapter ng buhay namin: High School. Magkaiba kami ng pinasukang high school; at dahil early 2000 pa yun, di pa uso ang cellphone at internet sa isla namin, kaya tuluyan na talaga kaming nawalan ng komunikasyon. Walang paglilinaw na naganap. All these years, akala ko galit siya saken. Di ko na rin alam ang dahilan kung bakit iniisip ko na galit siya saken. And through all those years, minsan ko lang siya nakita. Naglalakad kami noon ng mga friends ko papuntang school ng mapansin kong naglalakad siya sa unahan namin. Tinawag ko siya pero nagtago rin agad ako sa likod ng payong. Di ko na inantay kung lilingon siya. Pero, alam kong lumingon siya, sabi ng friend ko. At yun na ang huling pagkakataon na nakita ko siya.

Marami na rin akong naging bagong kaibigan. Mga kaibigang napatunayan kong totoo. Kasama ko sa ups and downs ng buhay ko. Kasama sa kalokohan, kasama sa behaved moments. Pero, all these years, pinanghihinayangan ko ang nasirang friendship namin. I was really hoping we could patch things up and be friends again. Di man tulad ng dati, but at least, nalinaw kung anumang gusot ang namagitan sa amin. So, when the advent of Facebook came (and Friendster pa nga eh) nagpadala agad ako ng friend request sa kanya (pagkatapos siyang i-search syempre). Kapal fez na. Fortunately, tinanggap naman niya. Pero, di pa rin kami nag-usap nun. Pa-like-like lang ako sa photos niya. Siya, nanahimik sa lungga niya, di man lang naligaw sa kung anumang posts ko. Hahaha.

Then, October 26 ng maisipan kong mag One Piece marathon ulit. Syempre, post ako ng post sa FB ng mga bagay na related sa One Piece. November 2 nang magcomment siya sa isa sa mga posts ko. Dun na nag-umpisa ang communication namin ulit. Sa tingin ko, parang walang nagbago sa turingan namin. Para bang pinindot lang namin ang pause button at nagpause ang panahon ng 14 taon tapos ngayon pinindot ang play and we picked up where we left off. Masayang-masaya ako. My prayer was finally answered. Akala ko hanggang pangarap na lang talaga na mabuo uli ang friendship namin. It’s kind of crazy that it took us more than a decade to finally have another real conversation. And it’s kind of liberating actually to finally have one; maybe because I was kinda feeling guilty dahil hinayaan kong mawala ang friendship namin. Maganda rin talaga sa pakiramdam na isa na ulit siya sa mga ka-laughtrip moments ko, just how we used to when we were younger. And maybe this time, there’d be no falling apart. Di na rin ako papayag na masira ulit ang pagkakaibigan naman. Hinde man siya ang bestfriend ko ngayon, alam ko namang isa siya sa mga totoo kong kaibigan. 🙂

SHAMEER!!! I missed you big time!!! 😛

Closing of a Chapter

*I posted this on my Multiply account last 11.15.08*

“I’ve watched love get closer

And then fade away

I’ve seen you believe in me

I’ve seen you trying to stay

But what good is holding on

When you know that all

You can think about is letting go

They say if you love someone

Then set them free

If they come back again

Then in the end it was meant to be

No matter how hard we try

Some good things never last

All you can think about is letting go

Be true to yourself, my love

That’s all I ever wanted you to be

Just don’t forget to smile

When you think of me”

–Some Good Things Never Last, Barbra Streisand

I sang that song few years ago… And I’m singing it once again… And like that memory of long ago, I’m writing down this one, too..

It has been months since I last wrote something..a poem, a letter, an article and a mere line or two.. My Muse has been beckoning me to write.. The Graces were whispering in soft, low voices..telling me to go back to writing.. The nymphs were flooding my mind with vivid breathtaking imagery.. Beautiful, vibrant words.. Exquisite, melancholic texts; Mine to create into a splendid composition. But, I backed down.. I walked away from the Muses.. I disregarded the Graces.. I ignored the nymphs.. And went my way.. I let idleness reign my days..

Then the day came. A day I knew would eventually come. I have seen it coming. Felt the woeful gust blown by the poignant wind. I knew that sooner or later we have to part ways. I sensed it when things went haywire; when certain things happened that was out of my control. Just like our communication means which hold a big part in our relationship. And though I was somewhat aware of it, it still brought me pain.

On that day (night) he told me that he can’t keep up with our situation anymore. He can no longer stand our distance. He doesn’t  want matters to get worse. I understand his point. Much as I wanted to hold on & not let go, I knew I had to. For the better. I would have asked him to hang on and stick around. To tell him that I know we’ll make it through. I would have asked him to stay. But, I know that would be selfish of me to do so, knowing that I will be the only one in bliss. And I just can’t bear to be selfish. I can’t bear to see him hurting and in travail. So, I had to give in.

I don’t want that time to arrive wherein our love would turn into hate because we pushed ourselves to the edge; because we were pressured; because we feel like we are being choked inside a detrimental relationship; because we are drowning in a destructive affair. I don’t want that to happen for it will only make us bitter persons maybe wallowing in self-pity, full of regrets or at the height of disparaging anger.

I know the life of a bitter person. I’ve been there. It was pure hell. You only have destructive thoughts. You only think of how to get even. You think of revenge. You become murderous or even suicidal (Although I was not; I was more murderous than suicidal). Days are bleak. Hours are dreary. Nights are lonely. All hope seem lost. Depression triggers. You become so absorbed in vengeance you get stranded in the middle of nowhere; stuck up in the dark. Never seeing light. Never wanting light. You neglect to get a life, to live a life. You forget to move on, to move forward and get over it. Instead of getting a productive life, you take the loss by being bitter. A bitter life is simply a harsh life. I don’t want him to feel it; especially not with me and not because of me. So, we had to go our own way and live separate lives.

With the turn of events, a closing of a chapter took place on that cold November night. It hurts to see even his photographs. I was aching for a lost love. Promises and plans for the future shattered into pieces, turned into dust and blown by the wind to a vague distant land. Once again I have to deal with a broken heart conceived on that same chilly November night.

Just as gloom started to overwhelm me, raindrops started to fall as if in sympathy on my elegiac state. Even my cat seemed to sense my sorrow for he was ill the following day. The rain continued to pour on that day, too, as I savor my sorrow to soften the pain; as I acknowledge the sting in my broken yet beating heart.

Just like what I believed on that memory of days gone by, maybe we weren’t just meant to be. Maybe we’re better off as friends. Maybe he’d be better off with someone else who can give and who is willing to give more than I can and more than I will. Maybe this time wasn’t ours. Maybe we are not supposed to be together in this lifetime. Though it brought pain in our hearts to know that “we” won’t work, I’m relieved to know that atleast we tried. We gave our best and it didn’t suffice. I wish him good luck. I wish him all the best. I pray that he would find that long-awaited golden day and that I may find it, too.

I think my favorite author was right when he asked why it feels so right to write during our sad moments. For I heeded my Muse’s beckons.. I didn’t turn a deaf ear to the Graces.. I noticed the nymphs..few nights after a chapter in my life was closed.. I passed over my sluggishness to succumbed to my Muse’s calling..to the murmur of the Graces with that velvety, gentle voice and to the nymph’s painting of picturesque, astounding words.. For I captured my thoughts to write on this cold November night.