Feeling Blue

I am so effin’ down these days. I really want to cry my heart out; I couldn’t. My lacrimal glands seem to be malfunctioning. I hate the fact that I can’t cry because I can feel the pain in my heart but I can’t let it go.

I look for comfort. I feel so desperate. And I used to think that I am strong. I really need a hug; a BIG effin’ hug. I want someone to give me a pat in the back and tell me that everything’s gonna be alright.

I feel so freaking lost; so alone. I don’t know what to do. But, I have no one to blame but myself. Why did I ever get into this? I just hope I would have the strength to survive this. I still have 15 months to go in this. I don’t know if I would survive that long or I would crash and burn. I’m feeling burned out these days. Not crumbling though… but, it seems like I’m getting there. And I don’t want to.

I am just so not used to this. Just like the line in Just Once… I gave my best, but I guess my best wasn’t good enough. I so effin’ wanna give up. But, there are other things to consider. I can’t just pack up and say I’m done and I’m quitting. I guess I’ll just have to deal with falls and bruises; to learn from mistakes and keep on moving forward.

People say that if God gave you a challenge, it’s because He believe that you can handle it. Guess I just need to have more faith in myself. Not an easy feat though with the task I’m given.

Guess it’s time to bend those creaking knees. I still feel oh so lonely. So unsure of what to do, but while writing this, I saw a glimpse of hope. Maybe there’s still a future for me. Writing this hasn’t solved my dilemma, but it has sparked something in me. Otaku spirit. Fighting! #WithFistHeldHigh

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8 thoughts on “Feeling Blue

  1. BIG EFFIN’ HUG and pats on your back ๐Ÿ™‚

    I know you can surpass that stage Vessy because you’re one of the bravest women I’ve met. (pero hindi kapag nanonood ng horror movies) ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Just trust Him.
    TC always Vessy

    • Hahaha!!! Thank you Cai! You really know how to make me laugh and smile. Yeah, I’m such a scaredy-cat with horror movies, even though I like watching that genre. hahaha!!!

      Cai, thanks for the support and encouragement. I really need that BIG EFFIN HUG. How I wish you Valentinas are here, things would be easier.

      • how I wish I’m there ligid-ligid to da Maxx gyud ko sa snow bah… ๐Ÿ™‚ hahaha did I made you smile what I really wanted is to make you laugh, so therefore I conclude I need to enhance that 6th character…hmmm.. But anyways highway we really miss you here ๐Ÿ˜‰ BIG HUG, GROUP HUG, LAB HUG ๐Ÿ™‚

        e kain mo nalang yan ng ice cream ateh.. Super laki pa naman ng ice cream nila dyan (wala katunga sa fundae sa 7 eleven) hihihi

      • Hahaha!!! Napatawa talaga. Ako kasi na andito eh di pa nasubukan ang magligid-ligid sa snow. I wanted but ewan kung bakit di ko nagawa. Next winter na lang. Hahaha!!!

        Wee! salamuch sa hugs. Miss ko din talaga kayo.

        Neh, ikaon ko lang ni ug ice cream, pero libre mo ko. Hehehe!!! Minsan lang ako nakakapag-icecream dito. Mahal kasi. Ahaha!!!

  2. Go! Go! Go! e try mo next time… at bakit naman ako dapat manglibre? aber?!! hahaha sige na nga pagbalik mo dito punta tayo ng 7 eleven hahaha yun lang kasi afford ko ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Ita-try ko talaga next winter. Sana may kuyog ako magligid-ligid. At gumawa ng snow angel for me. Kyahahaha!!!

      Cge ha, it’s a deal. Libre mo ko ng ice cream ng 7/11. hihihi.

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