When I decided to come to Denmark, one of the reasons and one of my goal is to forget my first love. Yeah, right. Hahaha. We had, or rather, I had a closure with him last April. Hanging questions were finally answered; and I think that’s what I really needed to be able to finally move on TOTALLY. However, when you’ve loved someone for almost a decade, it’s not that easy. So, although my questions were finally answered, at the back of my mind, I was still secretly hoping that it was just all lies. That he would realize that I’m the one for him and he the one for me. Stubborn much. 😛 But, I know, in my heart of hearts, I know it’s really time to let go. He had to be left in the past. So, I acknowledged the pain and accepted the fact that we are just friends. Friendzoned. The taste of unreciprocated love. With that thought in mind (and other important considerations, too) I wanted to fly away pronto. Though, I was really thinking that I’d give him a call on the day that I am about to leave. I thought of telling him my final adieu.
That was the plan. Until Garu came along. I couldn’t say I fell in love with him. I knew I felt something special for him, but I can’t say if it’s love. What mattered really to me is the realization that I am happy he came along. He gave me those feelings usually teenagers have when they see their crush. The tickles, kilig, excitement, mushy feelings. Haha. And I mean, I know it’s for teenagers, but hey, it kind of feel nice to feel that way once in a while in your grownup years. It’s nice to be bubbly after trying to act mature and all that. It’s like a breath of fresh air. Hihi. And before I knew it, Garu made his way into my life.
Then came the news of my departure; I was like, finally, I’d be able to say goodbye to my first love. I rehearsed lines in my head. And since I thought of doing it in Manila, I never bothered to call or message him while I was in Cebu. The person I actually had a talk about me leaving while I was in Cebu is Garu. Instead of my first love, it was Garu who knows about my departure and who was updated the whole time until I reached Denmark.
On the eve of my departure, I called… my folks. I messaged… Garu (and of course my other friends and relatives). My plan to say farewell to A-zhou never materialized. When I arrived in Denmark, I remember a friend asked me if I “told” A-zhou that I’m leaving. I told her, no, I actually “told” somebody else. I don’t know why and how, but somehow, Garu was a big part on my moving on and letting go process. I really appreciate him for it.
And since we had a talk, we kinda had some agreements. Pinky swear. Haha. But, under certain circumstances, we started to lose communication and I thought our pinky swear is forgotten. He didn’t reply to my messages. Until today. Garu made a comeback. I’d be a hypocrite if I say I didn’t feel good about it. So, yeah, I was glad he messaged again and I got a little bit excited. More than that, not anymore. The feelings I had for him when I dedicated “Dui Ni You Gan Jue” to him isn’t around anymore. I still care though, because first and foremost, he is a friend. So, I am glad he tried to keep in touch.
With his reappearance, I realized I haven’t thanked him yet: for his role in helping me become free of A-zhou’s gravity; for the special name he calls me (it’s not Pucca), I find it really cute; the guidance and patience; and, for letting my ateh’s bully him into submission to make a “message video” for me. Hahaha. It was the first time I ever received one. So, with this, I’d like to say, xiexie ni Garu. Motto motto arigatou. Gambatte ne. Fighting! #FistHeldHigh